


Hanging by a (Red) Thread

by BetweenTheClouds



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Soulmates but Endgame, Red String of Fate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-18 15:34:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29120550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BetweenTheClouds/pseuds/BetweenTheClouds
Summary: Maybe Kuroo doesn’t love you back. Maybe you’re not his soulmate.He is, Kenma would reply. Of course he is.Then why hasn’t the string connected?Ever since he could remember, Kenma could see the red string tied to people’s fingers.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 30
Kudos: 134
Collections: Recommended KuroKen Fics





	1. Disjointed

**6**

Ever since he could remember, Kenma could see the red string tied to people’s fingers. He could see the string connecting his parents’ fingers, and he could see that some of his classmates’ parents had strings that weren’t connected to one another. He would examine his own finger, watching as the string tied to it led to nowhere and disappeared. It wasn’t connected yet. But one day it would be. That was what his grandmother said. 

According to his grandmother, people whose souls were tied together by the red string of fate were destined to find happiness. 

“Just like you, I could see the red string connecting people’s souls since I was a little girl,” his grandmother explained to him one day during the walk to kindergarten. “I dreamed of the day my string would be connected. And I ended up waiting a long time! All my friends’ strings were connected long before mine was. I started to wonder if I even had a soulmate,” she told him, laughing. “And then I met your grandfather, and our strings connected that same day.” As she recalled the memory, her smile grew softer and a twinkle appeared in her eyes. 

Realizing who she was talking to, she shook her head and gave Kenma’s hand a firm squeeze. “But I suppose worrying about finding a soulmate isn’t something most little boys do. You’re so busy with your games, you don’t have for much else,” she teased, ruffling his hair.

Kenma glanced up at her, giving her a small smile. She understood him better than anybody, and it wasn’t only because they shared the same power. He saw red strings all around him, but he didn’t care about soulmates or destiny or anything like that. Sure, he was glad that his parents had connected red strings, because that meant they were sure to be happy. But that was the extent of his interest. The power was completely wasted on him.

In fact, at that moment, all he could think about was how he couldn’t wait to get home and play more of his game. He only had three more levels to beat.

**7**

Kenma wasn’t looking for somebody to understand him. As long as he had his grandmother, he didn’t care if everybody else thought he was weird. 

Then he met the boy who moved in next door. 

Kuroo Tetsuro was timid and quiet, and he always let Kenma pick what they were going to do. So naturally, they played a lot of games. 

They didn’t talk much at first, but it was nice. Being with Kuroo was easy. Kuroo didn’t seem to think Kenma was weird, or try to change him like the kids at school did.

Later, he learned that Kuroo could actually be loud and passionate about something. The first time they played volleyball together, Kenma wasn’t expecting it. And Kuroo was gradually shedding his shell in other areas too. He began to make more friends outside of Kenma, and he seemed to get more outgoing every day. 

But when Kenma thought about it, it didn’t really change anything.

Kuroo was still Kuroo. He still made time for Kenma every day. Sometimes they played Virtua Fighter, and sometimes they played volleyball.

He just _got_ Kenma. It took Kenma aback when he overheard Kuroo talking to his father about him. Kuroo knew what Kenma wanted, what he was uncomfortable with, and what he liked. It was nice, Kenma realized, having another person get you without having to tell them.

He learned to sink into the comfort of having Kuroo beside him.

**12**

“Suzuki-san and Harada-kun from my class are going to get together one day,” Kenma casually let out, his eyes never leaving the screen. One more lap to go. He checked the rankings. He was in first, Kuroo was in fourth. 

Kuroo whipped his head around and gaped at Kenma. His kart fell into the water. “Since when do _you_ think about that kind of stuff?”

Kenma shrugged, maneuvering his kart through the sand. “I don’t think about it. It’s just something obvious.” He was beginning to wish he’d never brought it up. Why did he?

“Ah yes. Kenma-kun, the expert at picking up on romantic cues,” Kuroo snorted. 

Kenma’s kart passed the finish line. He picked at the corner of his controller. “It’s just a vibe they have, I guess. You don’t see too many people our age acting like that. It’s kinda weird.”

That morning, as Kenma entered his homeroom, he saw that two of his classmates, Suzuki-san and Harada-kun, were connected by a red thread tied to their left pinkies. It wasn’t there yesterday. 

Often, the red string connects after soulmates meet each other for the first time. Sometimes it takes longer. Suzuki-san and Harada-kun were classmates for three months before their strings connected.

Kenma wasn’t interested in letting Kuroo know about his power, but for some reason he wanted to talk about what he discovered that day. He didn’t know why. 

“I guess maybe you do have a knack for it,” Kuroo said slowly. “You were right last semester, when you said Honda-sensei would divorce her husband for Fujisaki-sensei.” The serious expression on his face subsided, and he broke out into a smirk. “I still say you probably just caught them making out in an empty classroom or something, though.”

Ah yes, he had said that. Honda-sensei was married, but her string was still unconnected. When Fujisaki-sensei began teaching at their school, his string connected to Honda-sensei’s immediately. She divorced her husband not long after that, and moved in with Fujisaki-sensei.

Even though she used to always gush about how amazing her husband was. Even though her eyes used to light up when the school day was over and he came to pick her up.

Because, Kenma learned, it doesn’t matter how much in love you are. Once your string connects, all other relationships will be rendered insignificant. That’s the power of the red string of fate. 

“Ahh, I want a girlfriend!” Kuroo shouted, bringing Kenma back to the present. “It would be nice to have a cute girl to eat lunch with.”

Kenma smirked. “I don’t know if there are any girls that will put up with your nerdiness, Kuro,” he teased. 

Kuroo elbowed him in response, then fell back on the floor, staring up at the ceiling. Kenma let his eyes wander to Kuroo’s left pinky and his unconnected red string. For the first time, he wondered when Kuroo’s string would connect. He wondered what the other person would be like. Would Kenma get along with them? Maybe Kuroo wouldn’t have as much time to hang out with Kenma once he met his soulmate.

Something in his stomach twisted at that thought. Just as soon as it happened, it disappeared. Of course it wouldn’t feel good if his best friend had less time to spend with him, Kenma reasoned. That was only natural. 

Soulmate or no soulmate, Kuroo would always be by his side.

Kenma smiled softly down at Kuroo, flopping down to lay beside him.

**16**

Much to Kenma’s surprise, high school volleyball teams were full of fated pairs. A red thread linked Yaku and Lev, Bokuto and Akaashi, Daichi and Sugawara, and Hinata and Kageyama (although theirs took half a year to fuse together).

Over the years, Kenma began to understand a little bit more about soulmates. A soulmate was a person destined to be your perfect fit. Somebody who understood you more than anybody else. Somebody you would never want to be without. Somebody who highlighted your strengths and filled in your shortcomings. 

Still, if all that were true, he wondered why his string still wasn’t connected to Kuroo’s.

Sometime the year before, he came to the quiet realization that he was in love with Kuroo. _Oh_ , he had thought, finally understanding all the pieces that clicked into place. Kuroo was his perfect fit. 

He was pretty sure Kuroo felt the same way, but there was no rush to find out. After all, soulmates had all the time in the world to be together. For now, he was content just to exist beside Kuroo as he always had. 

A niggling buzz creeped up in his head sometimes, filling Kenma’s mind with a small doubt. A tiny speck of doubt, really. It whispered to him sometimes, late at night.

_Maybe Kuroo doesn’t love you back. Maybe you’re not his soulmate._

_He is,_ Kenma would reply. _Of course he is._

_Then why hasn’t the string connected?_

Most of the time, Kenma would push the tiny speck of doubt to the farthest recesses of his mind. He would fall asleep and dream of playing the game he bought the day before, then he would walk to school with Kuroo in the morning. One look at Kuroo’s bedhead and fond smile that was only directed at Kenma was enough to dispel Kenma’s fears. 

Sometimes it just took longer to connect than others, he reasoned. Hinata and Kageyama were a perfect example. Just because it took longer for their string to connect, it didn’t mean they were any less soulmates. 

He Googled it one day, when the small feeling of doubt didn’t disappear as fast as it usually did. Some “experts” claimed that in some rare cases, it took years for a red thread to connect. For one fated couple, it took them 15 years for their strings to meld together as one.

A small smile lit up Kenma’s face as he closed the browser window. It didn’t matter how long it took, because he already knew that Kuroo was his soulmate. He didn’t need a stupid red thread to tell him that. 

He would confess to Kuroo soon, he decided. Then the tiny speck of doubt could disappear forever.

**18**

He should have known Kuroo would beat him to the confession. 

They sat in Kenma’s room, Kenma playing on his DS while Kuroo studied on Kenma’s bed. It was winter holidays, and Kuroo was home from university. It was a relaxing afternoon, spending the hours with his best friend. At least it would have been, if Kuroo didn’t keep darting his eyes over to Kenma, then ducking his head down further into his textbook. 

Kenma decided to ignore him. If Kuroo wasn’t going to just tell him what was on his mind, he wasn’t going to push the matter. 

After an hour of Kuroo’s furtive glances, he finally pushed his textbook aside and sat up. “Kenma, put your game down for a sec. There’s something I need to tell you.” Perhaps it was because of the unusual high pitch of Kuroo’s voice, but Kenma put his game down without a fight and turned to Kuroo.

Fidgeting with his fingers, Kuroo looked down into his lap. The words stubbornly stayed in his throat.

“Kuro,” Kenma prompted, trying to meet his best friend’s eyes. 

Kuroo audibly swallowed and finally lifted his face to look at Kenma. “I didn’t want to mess up our friendship, but this has been building for a while. And I-I should probably take the leap, right?” He tried to give Kenma a casual grin, but it turned out more like a grimace. 

At Kuroo’s words, Kenma’s heart sped up. They were so similar to the words he churned over in his head on countless nights, trying to come up with the perfect thing to say. The exact combination of letters and syllables that would make his best friend fall in love with him. 

“The thing is, I love you. As more than a friend,” Kuroo told him, swallowing hard again. His eyes never left Kenma’s. “I have for a long time. And … And sometimes, I get the feeling you feel the same way. Is it hopeless?” 

In all the years Kenma knew Kuroo, he had never seen his eyes so big and vulnerable. His heart ached. His mouth tried to form words, but his throat closed up, pinching his airways. Instead, he launched himself at Kuroo, tackling him on the bed.

Burying his face in Kuroo’s chest, he let himself inhale the other man’s scent. His hoodie smelled like a mixture of soap and workout sweat. To Kenma, it smelled like home.

“It’s not hopeless,” he whispered into Kuroo’s hoodie. The words were so quiet and small, Kuroo almost missed them. 

It took a few moments for Kuroo’s brain to register the words. All of a sudden, a shout of “What? Really?” landed right next to Kenma’s eardrum. 

He finally lifted his head to meet Kuroo’s eyes. “Really,” he said, unable to hide the smile forming on his lips.

Kuroo broke out into a wide grin, pulling Kenma close to him. “You have no idea how long I’ve waited for this,” he breathed into Kenma’s ear. Goosebumps formed on the skin Kuroo’s breath touched. 

Too soon, he pulled back. His fingers traced Kenma’s cheekbones. “Can I kiss you?” he asked softly.

Kenma nodded, his hair falling into his eyes.

Laughing lightly, Kuroo gently tucked the stray hair behind Kenma’s ear. “Close your eyes,” he whispered. Kenma did as he was told.

Kuroo’s lips were surprisingly soft. They conveyed all the warmth and comfort Kenma was used to receiving from him.

Once Kuroo pulled away, his face was flushed. “How was that?” he asked, a layer of uncertainty in his voice. 

Kenma tilted his head, as if thinking deeply. “Not sure,” he finally answered. “I think we’ll have to try it again.”

A chuckle escaped from Kuroo. “Sneaky kitten,” he murmured, before pulling Kenma in close again. 

Soon, Kenma learned that he enjoyed kissing Kuroo. It was everything he had imagined it would be, and somehow more. It felt like the place he was meant to be.

There was also another benefit to kissing Kuroo. Kissing required closing your eyes, and when Kenma’s eyes were closed, they couldn’t wander over to Kuroo’s pinky and notice that the string was still unconnected. 

**20**

Kenma never knew he was capable of being this happy. When he locked eyes with his boyfriends, he felt fulfilled. He also never expected a relationship to be so easy. Then again, he had always fit together with Kuroo like an old familiar glove. 

They rarely fought, and when they did, it was always resolved within a couple hours. Kuroo made sure Kenma was getting his nutrients, especially when he did long streams. Almost every night, Kenma was greeted with a home cooked meal.

And when Kuroo stayed up too late studying for midterms, Kenma would lead him to bed and brew fresh coffee for him first thing in the morning. 

All the doubts used to have were forgotten. Their strings still remained separate, but Kenma didn’t pay attention to it anymore. Kuroo was his path in life. 

Looking back, Kenma was ridiculously naive for being so carefree. 

His guard was so far down, no alarm bells rang during one particular phone call with Kuroo. It was a calm afternoon in autumn, and the leaves were just beginning to separate from the trees. 

“My last class is done at 3:30. Meet me at the café across the street after?” Kuroo asked, slightly out of breath from his run. 

“Sounds good,” Kenma replied. He was sitting at his desk editing his latest video. “My video should be done by then. “I’ll let you know if anything changes.”

“Okay. By the way, I want to introduce you to my classmate. She’s super cool, and she’s better at chemistry than I am. I think you’ll like her,” Kuroo told him in an excited voice.

Kenma grinned at Kuroo’s excitement. “Bring her to the café, then,” he replied nonchalantly. If his guard had been up at all, or if he had a shred of self preservation, he surely would have handled the situation differently. 

But Kuroo’s love was such a comfort, he couldn’t help sinking into it.

“I can’t wait! Alright, I gotta get to class. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Kenma responded, smiling fondly at his phone before hanging up.

Later, when he entered the café, a strange sense of foreboding surrounded him. His instincts told him to run. But Kuroo already texted him that he was there, so Kenma searched the café for his dark bedhead. 

His eyes landed on his boyfriend, and a smile lit up his face. Kuroo was already seated next to a woman with long black hair. She must be his classmate. Kenma began to make his way towards them, before something caught his eye. Suddenly, ice water filled his veins.

Their left pinkies were tied together by a bright red string. 

* * *

Kenma didn’t know how he managed to get there without erupting into a panic attack, but somehow he found himself sitting across Kuroo and his classmate.

He soon learned more about her than he ever wanted to. Her name was Horikawa Kagura, and she was a third year in university just like Kuroo. Her major was Biochem, and she was involved with a volleyball club in high school. In addition to her studies, she worked part-time at a cat café. If Kenma wasn’t currently drowning in anxiety and panic, he might have laughed at how ridiculously perfect she was for Kuroo. Of course she would be his soulmate. 

Naturally, for the first time in their entire friendship, Kuroo chose today to be completely oblivious to Kenma’s suffering. Instead, he was telling jokes. 

“Oh, I got a good one! Okay, so two chemists walk into a restaurant. The first one says, ‘I’ll have an H2O.’ The second one says, ‘I’ll have an H2O too.’ And then …” Kuroo could hardly contain himself in his excitement to get to the punchline. 

“And then he died!” At this, Kuroo erupted into his ugly hyena laughter. The noise that never failed to tug at Kenma’s heart. 

But he was too busy focusing on Horikawa Kagura’s reaction. If she was a normal person, she would think his joke was stupid. Because it was. And if by some miracle she wasn’t turned off by his terrible sense of humor, that laugh would surely drive her away.

She hid her mouth behind her hand and laughed. “If we’re going to exchange bad chemistry jokes, I can go all day!” she responded, a gleam in her eyes. There was a certain warmth in her expression when she looked at Kuroo that Kenma didn’t want to identify.

Kenma hated it.

Bile rose in his throat at their interactions. Kuroo looked way too proud of himself just because somebody liked his stupid joke. And he was too busy talking to Horikawa Kagura to notice Kenma’s discomfort.

He dug his nails into his thigh until the skin broke. 


	2. Severed

**21**

“Kuro, stop!” Kenma gasped out, clutching his stomach. Kuroo’s fingers were attacking every ticklish spot on Kenma’s body. As much as he twisted and huddled up, Kuroo still managed to find his sensitive parts.

He could hear the grin in Kuroo’s voice, even if he couldn’t see it. “It’s not my fault you’re so ticklish,” he replied. 

Kenma’s nose scrunched up. “I am not,” he shot back, trying to leap out of Kuroo’s grasp. 

Kuroo fastened his arm tight across Kenma’s chest. “Are too.”

“Am not.”

“... Are too.”

Kenma successfully maneuvered himself around to face Kuroo. “Am not,” he repeated. And before Kuroo could retort, he pressed his lips against that smug mouth. 

Deciding he had nothing to say after all, Kuroo melted into the kiss, his tongue lightly roaming Kenma’s mouth. Kenma let out a small moan and fell on top of his boyfriend. 

As his eyes briefly landed on the clock on the nightstand, he realized it was already 11:30 AM. Neither of them had bothered to get out of bed yet. Well, it was Sunday, and last night’s activities had been … vigorous. A flush spread to Kenma’s cheeks at the memory.

They broke apart from the kiss. Kuroo’s hazel eyes were so open, so honest. Kenma’s heart ached. “Kuro, there’s something I want to talk about with you,” he said, his tone steady.

Kuroo blinked in response and gently rolled Kenma off him so they were facing each other side by side. He reached out to stroke Kenma’s hair off his forehead. “What is it?” he asked, his brow creasing. 

Kenma opened his mouth, ready to begin with “I know this sounds crazy, but …” or “Please, you have to believe me …”. Then he shut it. Looking into Kuroo’s eyes, he knew he wasn’t afraid of Kuroo not believing him. No matter how far-fetched the story sounded, Kuroo would believe every word if they came from Kenma. 

The ache in his heart returned. He squeezed his eyes shut. He thought he could keep it in forever, he really did. He thought if he spoke his worst nightmare out loud, it would come true.

It might come true. He might lose him for good. But if they were going to have a fighting chance, he needed to tell Kuroo. 

“I can see the red strings of fate,” he began, his voice giving out the slightest tremble. “It’s just like the legends say. Everybody has a red string tied to their pinky, and when they meet their soulmate, the string connects. It’s not always instant. Sometimes it can take months, even years. But once your string is tied together with another person’s, you’re destined to find happiness.” Something started squeezing Kenma’s heart, and he needed to pause his explanation. 

Kuroo’s eyes widened. “That’s a fucking  _ awesome  _ power. How come you never told me any of this before?”

“Because … Because I waited, but …” Kenma blinked and remembered to keep breathing. “Our strings never connected, Kuro.”

“But that’s nothing to worry about,” Kuroo interjected. “You said so yourself. Sometimes the strings can take years to connect. It doesn’t mean-” Kenma just shook his head solemnly, and Kuroo stopped. Kenma could see the gears turning in Kuroo’s brain, as he pieced together what Kenma was saying with the events of the past year.

Kuroo gave Kenma a look of horror. “Our strings never connected, but mine did,” he concluded, his mouth not managing to close properly. Kenma nodded silently as confirmation. 

The gears kept turning. “It’s Horikawa-san, isn’t it? That’s why you always avoid meeting up with you, and why you were so furious when told you she confessed to me. You didn’t speak to me for two days. I didn’t know what I did to make you so mad.”

Kenma was no longer looking into his eyes. Instead, his head was buried in Kuroo’s chest. “I wasn’t mad, Kuro. I was  _ terrified _ ,” he let out, his voice muffled. 

“But I love you, Kenma. Not Horikawa-san,” Kuroo told his boyfriend patiently, stroking the top of his head. “There’s nothing to be afraid of, I promise.”

Kenma tried to snort, but it came out more as a sob. “You say that now,” he muttered, “But destiny is pretty damn powerful.”

“I’m serious, Kenma. I won’t see her anymore outside of class, okay? And after graduation I won’t see her at all,” Kuroo said, pulling Kenma into his chest. 

Kenma wanted to say yes immediately, but something stopped him. “I don’t want to be controlling,” he mumbled. “I know she’s your friend, and you don’t have a lot of female friends. But you’re absolutely not allowed to fall in love with her. If you do, I’ll never forgive you.” Although he tried to sound commanding, his voice shook even worse than before.

“As if I could,” Kuroo snorted. “I’m only attracted to antisocial gamers with blonde hair.” Sighing softly, he lifted Kenma’s chin up so he could see his face. “If destiny had this whole plan for me, then they were pretty fucking stupid to let me meet you,” he said, a smirk forming at the corner of his mouth. “How could I not fall in love with you?” Seeing the vulnerable expression on Kenma’s face, the smirk disappeared. “I’m not going to leave you, kitten. Not for anything. Sucks for you, but you’re stuck with me.”

Kenma’s eyes began to water before he could blink them back. “Promise?” He hated the wobble in his voice from that single word.

“Promise,” Kuroo confirmed, leaning down to give Kenma’s nose a peck. Without another word, Kenma wrapped his arms around Kuroo’s neck and pulled him down to continue the kissing from earlier. 

They didn’t make it out of the room until 1:00.

**22**

Kenma sat in the chair and tried to stay still, gazing at his reflection in the mirror. Behind him, Kuroo was brushing his hair in deep concentration. 

It was normal for Kenma to go days without running a brush through his hair. His schedule was so hectic, it was easy to forget. He supposed he had Kuroo to thank for his hair never becoming a rat’s nest.

Kuroo was so gentle with his hair, making sure he didn’t tug the brush when it snagged on a tangle. He wouldn’t admit it, but he loved when Kuroo sat him down and brushed his hair. It was so relaxing.

“I love how long your hair has gotten since high school,” Kuroo said softly, stroking a lock of hair he had just brushed before letting it fall gently onto Kenma’s shoulder. “It’s so pretty. And I love these roots.” Kenma scoffed at that, but Kuroo just smiled. “You wouldn’t be  _ you  _ without them.”

“Why, because it represents my laziness?” Kenma asked. 

Kuroo’s eyebrows knit together as he worked on a particularly difficult knot. “Kenma, if you were really lazy, you wouldn’t be able to be a famous streamer, with plans to start up a company. Do you know how many people can say they've accomplished the same? That takes a lot of work and dedication. I’m so proud of you, kitten.”

In the mirror, Kenma could see a deep blush form on his cheeks. He looked away in embarrassment. Kuroo snickered. 

Once all the tangles were sorted out, Kuroo grabbed a hair clip off the table. He gathered the front of Kenma’s hair to the back, securing it with the clip. When he was done, he admired his work in the mirror, turning Kenma’s head side to side so he could see it too. “This is a good look on you,” Kuroo exclaimed, putting the brush down. “When it’s put together neatly, it would be great for formal occasions. You could just switch the clip out for something fancier.” Making sure Kenma’s eyes met his in the mirror, Kuroo continued. “You should wear it like this for our wedding.” His eyes danced in glee when Kenma gasped and turned even redder than before.

“That’s unfair!” Kenma spluttered. “You haven’t even proposed!”

Kuroo smirked. “It’s inevitable, isn’t it?”

Kenma smiled and leaned back against his boyfriend’s chest. “Since it’ll be a formal occasion and all … think we could get some special hair gel for that head of yours?”

Kuroo clutched his heart in mock hurt. “I thought you liked my rooster head!”

Despite his best efforts, Kenma’s mind wandered to thoughts of matching suits and matching rings. He made a mental note to buy a hair clip to match Kuroo’s tie. 

**24**

“I have nothing to do with the transfer process! Quit being so unreasonable!” Kuroo burst out as they stormed through the door of their apartment, Kenma stalking in ahead of him.

“I’m not  _ blaming  _ you, Kuro. But I am allowed to be pissed off,” Kenma spat out, throwing his coat on the couch. Normally, Kuroo would tell him off for being messy, but he was far too irritated at the moment. “Not only did Horikawa Kagura end up at the same company as you after graduation, but she ended up being transferred to the exact same branch as you. In the exact same department. As if that wasn’t bad enough, she appears to live exactly two blocks from us. And she enjoys going for morning jogs in the exact same park as you, at the exact same time so you two can coincidentally meet up. No matter what I do, you two just seem to be drawn to each other like magnets. Do you see why I’m aggravated?” He flopped onto the couch and pressed his palms into his eyes, sighing heavily. Kuroo joined him, but sat on the opposite side.

Kuroo made a sound of disbelief. “So I’ll request another transfer! I’ll change jogging routes! What else do you want me to do? It’s not my fault this keeps happening.”

At that, Kenma felt a stab of guilt for taking his anger out on Kuroo. He knew it wasn’t Kuroo’s fault. After all, this was what the red string of fate did. Once the string connected, fate ensured the connected pair would meet as much as possible. No matter how much they fought it, fate always found a way. How many times had he witnessed this exact same scenario play out with other couples?

He knew already, but it didn't hurt any less.

“I’ve been constantly reassuring you, telling you I choose you, but it never seems to be enough. You still don’t trust me,” Kuroo continued, waving his arms around.

Kenma let some of his anger slip away as he leaned back into the couch, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Why was he so tired all of a sudden? “It’s not an issue of trust,” he replied, suddenly unable to meet Kuroo’s eyes. “It’s just … Maybe we need to grow up and realize this isn’t working. How many people end up with their high school boyfriends anyway?” As the words left his mouth, he chose to ignore all the fated couples he knew who met in high school. Why did their strings connect and not his? 

“You don’t mean that,” Kuroo said softly, his voice shocked.

That familiar ache in Kenma’s heart had returned. “No, I don’t,” he admitted. “But sometimes I wish I did.” Before Kuroo could misinterpret his words, he continued. “You don’t know, Kuro. But I do. I’ve watched countless couples go through this situation. And fate always wins.” He uttered the last sentence in a whisper, the words barely reaching Kuroo’s ears. His hands balled into fists on his lap. 

“But it won’t win this time. We can keep fighting it like we have been. As long as we love each other, isn’t that all that matters?” Kuroo stubbornly insisted. 

“I’ve been fighting it for six years! I’ve been shutting it out, running from it, trying to deny it. It’s  _ exhausting _ !” Kenma finally turned to look at Kuroo, tears streaming down his face. His face was red and splotchy, and Kuroo looked pained when he saw it. “Kuro, you of all people know how much I hate exerting myself. Please, just please … Let me stop fighting.”

Kuroo’s anger dissipated at his devastated boyfriend, and he scooped him up in his arms. “Why don’t we go to bed now? We both have work in the morning. Let’s talk about this more tomorrow, okay?” he whispered, smoothing Kenma’s hair. Kenma nodded. “I love you, kitten.”

Kenma couldn’t say it back at that moment, but later in bed when he was snuggled into Kuroo’s back and he was absolutely certain the other man was asleep, he said it. Over and over again, like a mantra. 

“I love you. I love you. I love you, Kuro. I don’t think I can stop.”

* * *

When Kuroo returned home from work the next day, Kenma was sitting at the kitchen table. His head was turned away, and he didn’t look at Kuroo when he spoke. 

“My string connected a few weeks ago. I didn’t want to hurt you, but I want to be with my soulmate. We should both be with our soulmates. That’s the greatest happiness a person can achieve. One day you’ll understand.” Kenma’s voice was flat, devoid of anything resembling human emotions. 

Kuroo’s heart broke. Because you don’t stay by somebody’s side for 17 years without detecting an obvious, poorly planned lie for what it was. He couldn’t see Kenma’s face, but he could see his knuckles. He saw them clenched tight, white and trembling. This was killing him.

In an instant, he understood that Kenma needed him to go along with his lie, pretend to believe his hollow words. There was no fight left in him, and it was making him miserable. 

Within the lie, he could only speak the truth. “All I ever wanted was your happiness.”

He was out the door the next moment. As he walked down the hallway, he heard something shatter in their (not  _ his  _ anymore) apartment. 

He kept walking. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry (not that sorry), but I will be making this into three parts instead of two like I originally planned. I thought this was a more natural place to stop, and I live for the pain.
> 
> Please enjoy reading!


	3. Cauterized

**24**

“It looks like I’ll be free this Wednesday, if you want to meet for lunch,” Akaashi told him, his voice soft and calming even over the phone.

Tilting back on his computer chair, Kenma thought for a moment. “I need to upload a video for Thursday, so it’ll be kind of tight. What about Saturday?”

There was a pause on the other end. “Ahhh … We’re having some friends over on Saturday,” Akaashi replied eventually, sounding flustered. “You’re welcome to join of course, but …” He didn’t need to elaborate on who exactly he meant by “some friends”. 

“Actually, I can rearrange some things. Wednesday will work,” Kenma mumbled, suddenly interested in his keyboard. Even though Akaashi couldn’t see him, he refused to let the hurt show on his face. He balled his hand in a fist. Focusing on the dust on his keys, he took a deep breath. “How is he? Is he … Has he …” 

“I thought you said you didn’t care,” Akaashi replied bluntly. 

Kenma flinched. Akaashi never failed to make his feelings clear on the matter. His mind went back to that night three months ago, when Kuroo left. Kuroo ended up at Bokuto and Akaashi’s place, and Akaashi immediately called Kenma to get his side of the story. 

When Kenma admitted he dumped Kuroo, he hadn’t expected Akaashi’s anger. He thought Akaashi would be more neutral, considering his friendship with them both. But when faced with a depressed Kuroo, a helpless Bokuto, and an unresponsive Kenma, Akaashi simply had no patience left. _“Call me when you’re ready to talk,” he snapped. “Until then, don’t bother.”_

At the time, although he was hurt, he was grateful that Kuroo had a strong support system. He was fine with letting Kuroo have Bokuto and Akaashi. He had Shouyou. 

Except Shouyou was so busy with his volleyball career and attempt to balance a relationship with Kageyama, they ended up playing phone tag more often than not. And when they did talk, Shouyou was a giant ball of energy as usual, his enthusiasm at an all time high. Kenma knew he would have to tell him eventually, but just then he didn’t have the heart to damper Shouyou’s spirits with his heartbreak. 

He hated to admit it, but he missed Akaashi. And he knew Akaashi would give him good advice. So after a few weeks of loneliness, he caved and called him. He didn’t call with the intention of telling Akaashi about his ability to see the red string of fate and how it led to his breakup with Kuroo, but it all spilled out anyway.

Akaashi had listened quietly, absorbing the information. Like Kenma expected, he took in Kenma’s words without judgment or skepticism. Once Kenma had finished, he paused for a few moments to gather his thoughts. Then he spoke, calm and measured. “I understand your fears. It must be stressful for you. But why are you throwing everything away for something that might not even happen?”

That had been Akaashi’s stance on the topic ever since, and Kenma could do little to convince him otherwise. He decided the best medicine for Kenma was tough love, even if the bitter taste made Kenma choke on it.

At Kenma’s silence, Akaashi sighed and relented a little. “Kuroo-san is fine, despite his low spirits. He’s still single, as far as I know. If Bokuto-san heard anything, he would tell me.”

Kenma’s fist uncurled at the word “single”, and he let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. Shame coursed through him at the relief he felt. He was supposed to be hoping for Kuroo’s happiness. Why was a part of him happy that Kuroo was hurting without him?

“I just want Kuro to be happy,” Kenma replied, as if reaffirming the words to himself. 

“He’s not happy now,” Akaashi shot back. Kenma swallowed the bitter medicine again.

“But he will be,” he whispered. “Horikawa-san will make him happy.” The dust on his keyboard became interesting again. 

Akaashi let out a long breath. “Why are you continuing to do this to yourself? Why are you so obsessed with fate?”

“That’s easy for you to say,” Kenma snapped. “You’re already with your soulmate.”

Akaashi didn’t reply, and Kenma felt a stab of guilt. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for. Look, I should probably get going. I have a lot of work to do. I’ll see you at lunch on Wednesday, okay?” 

They both said their goodbyes and hung up. Kenma leaned back in his chair and stretched. He enjoyed talking to Akaashi, but lately their conversations have been so draining. The sooner they all accepted that Kuroo and Kenma were never going to get back together, the sooner they could all move on. 

Deciding he needed a distraction, he plodded to the kitchen and turned the kettle on. Tea would clear his head. He reached in the cupboards and pulled two cups out, setting them on the counter. He only realized his mistake when he was about to pour the water. 

He stared at the offending mug, his chest constricting. Somehow, it became difficult to breathe. It was black, with a cat face and ears sticking out above the rim. He had chosen it for Kuroo, and Kuroo had picked his. Kuroo ended up choosing the same design, only he got a yellow cat for Kenma. That was when they first moved in together. He still remembered the warm feeling of Kuroo’s fingers intertwined with his as they left the shop with all their new housewares. They were so happy.

Kenma shook his head to rid the unnecessary thoughts. Kuroo had been gone for three months, and he was still pulling out two cups to make tea. Every time he saw that stupid black cat face, he wanted to smash it. Throw it away. 

But then Kuroo’s trademark smirk would appear in his head, and he would end up putting Kuroo’s mug back in the cupboard beside his own.

Kenma gripped the counter until he could breathe again. Was it ever going to stop hurting? It hurt all the time, and he was sick of it.

How can you go from seeing somebody almost every day for seventeen years to not even talking anymore? Falling in love with his best friend had to be the stupidest thing Kenma had ever done. Not only was Kuroo not his boyfriend anymore, he wasn’t even his friend. If Kenma had known he would lose everything, he would never have said yes in the first place. 

With trembling fingers, he picked up his phone and called his voicemail. He listened to his last saved message, from a week ago, and closed his eyes. He should have just deleted it, but he couldn’t.

“Heeeyyy Kenma! I know we broke up and stuff, but I fucking miss you. Will you take me back? I’ll make you the best apple pie in the entire world, and you’ll have to be my boyfriend again! I’ll give you the best backrubs after your long-ass streams, and I’ll wash the dishes every day! I still love you the most. So how abo- Hey!” Kuroo’s slurred words were cut off at that point. Scuffling could be heard along with Bokuto’s voice, and Kenma assumed Bokuto was taking Kuroo’s phone away. 

Kenma snickered as he listened to Kuroo’s drunken ramblings. When the voicemail cut off, his laughter turned to sobs. 

**25**

Sweat dripped down Kenma’s face and he walked along the sidewalk, weighed down by the grocery bags he was carrying. He felt so sticky and gross. He didn’t even have a free hand to wipe his sweat away. 

Four blocks to go. A popular lunch spot was up ahead, and he contemplated stopping in for a cold drink. Then he remembered some (most) of his groceries were frozen, and decided against it. 

Once he reached the restaurant, he looked in the windows, watching all the air-conditioned people in envy. He stopped short when he saw who was sitting in the booth beside the window.

It had been ten months since he last saw Kuroo, and he swore he never looked better. Looking even more in shape than he did when they were together, Kuroo was sorting a healthy summer tan and a crisp white polo shirt. Kenma hated the longing he still felt. The ten months they spent apart did nothing to cure his feelings. 

Once he finally managed to pry his eyes off of Kuroo, he noticed who was sitting across from him. Something shattered inside of him.

Horikawa Kagura was sitting in the other booth, wearing a floral sundress. Her hair was curled prettily over her shoulders. Maybe her hair didn’t frizz under humidity. The vibrant color of her lipstick matched the flowers on her dress. Kenma looked like a trash bag next to her. Sitting daintily with one leg over the other, she was listening to Kuroo intently. Once he stopped talking, she gave a quick reply which made him burst out laughing.

They were clearly on a date.

Kenma’s legs felt wobbly, and there was a whooshing in his ears. He could barely hear the traffic around him. This was good, he tried to tell himself. Kuroo was happy. This was what Kenma wanted for him, wasn’t it?

Just then, Kuroo looked up and his eyes met Kenma’s. Kuroo’s eyes widened in shock, and he shot up out of the booth. Kenma barely registered it.

 _I have to congratulate him. I have to tell him how happy I am for him_ , Kenma thought. The whooshing in his ears was growing louder. 

Kuroo burst out of the restaurant and stopped in front of Kenma. “Kenma! That wasn’t what it looked like! We’re not together! We just met up to discuss work! Yeah, it’s our day off, but work has been insanely busy lately, and we had a lot to go over. I swear, that's all it was,” he rambled desperately, waving around a folder to prove his point. 

If Kenma could hear him through the whooshing sound in his head, he would have laughed at how ridiculous it was. Kuroo was acting as though he’s just been caught cheating, but they’ve been broken up for almost a year. 

“Kenma?” Kenma blinked, startled out of his thoughts. The whooshing had subsided, and he could hear clearly again. Kuroo was waving his hand in front of his face, looking worried. 

_That’s right. I need to congratulate him._ Kenma tried, but the words wouldn’t form. The more he tried to get the words out, the hotter his face felt. The words remained stubbornly in his throat, restricting his airways. 

Tears pricked at his eyes, and he was too busy trying to breathe to focus on stopping them. He looked to Kuroo through a blurred sheet of unshed tears. Finally, the words were freed and tumbled out of his mouth. 

“Congratulations,” he choked out, looking up at Kuroo with a red, sweaty face and tears that were dangerously close to falling. “I’m happy for you.”

“Kenma-”

Without another word, Kenma whirled around and trotted away, his bags no longer weighing him down. 

Kuroo was happy. This was good. 

He kept repeating those two phrases on the way home, but the weight that was crushing his chest disagreed. 

* * *

When Kenma opened his front door the next morning, a tall figure greeted him. He backed away in shock. 

“Kuro,” he breathed out. “What are you doing here?”

Kuroo leaned against the doorframe and stared at Kenma like he was a mirage. His eyes looked so soft and caring, Kenma blinked to make sure he wasn’t seeing things. “I’m here because I told you I wanted you to be happy before I left. I knew you weren’t happy when you were constantly looking over your shoulder to see when I would be stolen away from you,” Kuroo told him, sighing. “And I know that was partly my fault. I didn’t know how to keep reassuring you, because you were just getting farther and farther away from me. I thought maybe you wouldn’t be happy unless we were apart.”

He raked his hand across his face before continuing. “But then I see you after so long, and you try to congratulate me with _that_ face, like your heart is fucking breaking. You’re not happy without me at all, Kenma.”

With wide eyes, Kenma retreated further in his apartment, effectively inviting Kuroo in. Kuroo took the invitation gladly, strolling to the middle of the living room. 

“You should be with Horikawa-san right now,” Kenma whispered. He hated that his voice betrayed his words.

Kuroo gave him an exasperated expression. “Why? I told you I’m not going out with her already. It’s never going to happen.”

“But she’s your soulmate,” Kenma argued.

“Maybe, but that’s not enough to make a relationship work,” Kuroo explained. “Because of work, we spent a lot of time together this past year.” He looked Kenma in the eyes. “I admit it, some part of me was drawn to her. I can’t help it, Kenma. You know that.”

Kenma crossed his arms and turned away from him. “Then it’s pointless to fight it, isn’t it? Why don’t you just give in to destiny and be happy with her?”

“Because I don’t ever want to see that look on your face again.” Kuroo let out another long sigh. “Look, Horikawa-san is great. She’s somebody I can have fun with. But even after all the time I’ve spent with her, I never felt … It never felt like it was where I belonged.”

Kenma looked up into his eyes, blinking. Kuroo’s gaze was steady as he held Kenma’s left hand between both of his. “I want to come back home. Will you let me?” 

Kenma erased the distance between them and wrapped his arms around Kuroo. His fingers clutched Kuroo’s sweater, the knuckles turning white. He breathed in Kuroo’s jacket, the familiar mixture of soap and sweat calming his senses. 

He knew, without Kuroo having to say it, what home Kuroo was referring to. He wasn’t talking about this apartment they used to live in together.

To Kuroo, Kenma was home. The place where he belonged. 

After breathing Kuroo in like he was his air, he stepped back. “Even if you say that, this will keep happening. I don’t … know if I can go through that again.”

Kuroo leaned down and embraced Kenma. “I think it’s different this time. This morning, Horikawa-san texted me. She said she’s transferring to a different branch.”

Startled, Kenma looked up at him. “What? Why would she do that? She’s been in love with you for years.”

Smiling solemnly, Kuroo patted his head. “I guess when she saw the way I ran after you yesterday, she finally understood it wasn't going to happen. Even after all these months, I can’t stop thinking about you, Kenma. Being apart from you feels like I constantly have a phantom limb. I don’t ever want to live without you again.”

Kenma grinned and pulled him down to his lips. He wasn’t strong enough to resist him anymore. He wanted Kuroo to be happy with _him_.

Kuroo’s lips were just as soft as the first time he kissed them. And Kuroo was just as hesitant, just as patient. He nibbled on Kenma’s lower lip, and Kenma parted his lips to make room for Kuroo’s tongue. As their tongues found a good rhythm, Kenma sank into the embrace. Kuroo lifted Kenma up and placed him against the wall, and Kenma wrapped his legs around his waist. The way they fit together felt _right_.

“Welcome home,” Kenma whispered into Kuroo’s ear. 

**26**

Glaring at his boyfriend, Kenma took the bag of cat food out of the cart and replaced it with a different, more expensive brand. “I told you, Chell doesn’t like that one,” he told him, lightly hitting his arm. 

“You spoil her too much,” Kuroo replied, rolling his eyes. “If you keep it up, she’s going to turn into a picky eater like you.”

Kenma stuck his tongue out at him. “She just has refined tastes, that’s all.” 

Kuroo snorted. “Yes, because apple pie is so refined,” he shot back. Kenma ignored him and continued pushing the cart. When he reached the next aisle, he froze. 

Horikawa Kagura was in the baking section, comparing boxed cake mixes. Beside her, a man with tousled hair and glasses examined the boxes and told her his preference. She happily agreed and put the box into her cart. She turned around to see Kuroo and Kenma, and her face brightened. Gesturing to the man beside her, she walked towards them and the man followed.

Seeing them approach, Kuroo slung an arm over Kenma’s shoulder to reassure him. Kenma leaned into him just the slightest fraction.

“Kuroo! And Kozume-san, was it? It’s so nice to see you here!” To Kenma’s surprise, it looked like she really meant it. “Did you move to this area too?”

“Yeah, we moved here last month,” Kuroo replied. He looked happy to see her too. After all, she was a good friend to him, Kenma thought to himself. He was surprised again that he felt no jealousy when thinking of Horikawa-san anymore.

She smiled. “Funny how we keep ending up moving to the same areas!” Turning to the man beside her, she introduced him. “This is Fujimoto Hideyoshi, my boyfriend. We met in the branch office I transferred to last year.” He greeted them politely, and introductions were conducted all around.

Kuroo grinned. “That’s great! You look happy.”

Horikawa-san’s boyfriend excused himself to check out the egg prices, and she smiled at them. “Sorry about that, Hideyoshi doesn’t do well with new people.”

“I get that,” Kuroo laughed. Kenma nudged him in annoyance. The only reason he was still around was because after that disastrous scene outside the restaurant last year, it would be rude to leave now. “But honestly, you really do look happy. I’m glad,” he continued.

A bright smile spread across her face. “Thank you! I am happy. It’s funny, Hideyoshi isn’t the kind of person I thought I would end up with. To be honest, I thought I would end up with somebody more like you,” she admitted, laughing. But her face softened when she thought of her boyfriend. “He didn’t look like my perfect match on paper, but he’s the only one who can get me out of my slumps. He can make me laugh like nobody can.” Her face flushed, and Kenma recognized the expression on her face as the one she used to direct towards Kuroo.

Kenma understood her sentiments. A perfect match wasn’t as black and white as destiny made it out to be, and it definitely wasn’t always with the person connected to your red string. He wished it didn’t take him so long to listen to Kuroo.

“Well, I should probably go find Hideyoshi. If I leave him unattended for too long, he’ll pile the cart full of snacks!” Horikawa-san said, laughing. Just as she turned to leave, Kenma spoke up.

“Maybe we can all get together sometime. Like on a double date,” he suggested, trying not to flush at the word “date”. 

Her face brightened. “That sounds fun! Kuroo, you still have my number, right? Let’s make plans soon!”

Kuroo nodded and grinned at her, before turning to Kenma like he had grown two extra heads. “What?” Kenma asked.

“You, Kozume Kenma, suggested we meet up with people? Not only people, but the person you used to be so jealous of?” Kuroo’s mouth hung open in shock. 

Kenma smiled to himself, thinking of Horikawa-san’s expression and Kuroo’s arm that was still securely slung over his shoulder. “The threat has been eliminated,” he replied simply. 

Kuroo grinned and led them to the checkout counter, and Kenma elbowed him to release his arm. He had forgotten they were still in public. 

**28**

Kenma’s string still wasn’t connected. Maybe it would connect tomorrow, maybe it never would. It didn’t matter to Kenma anymore. 

Instead of fixating on his left pinky finger, he was too busy admiring the ring on the finger beside it. It was a simple gold band, one connected him with the person he was going to spend the rest of his life with. He and Kuroo decided to get inscriptions engraved on the inside of their rings. It read, “You are the path I choose.” 

Kenma thought it was a nice way to show their commitment to each other, because they weren’t soulmates in the strictest form of the word. Destiny didn’t think they were meant to be together, but it didn’t matter because they chose to be together in the face of that. Even powers as strong as destiny couldn’t force them apart. 

As Kenma admired his ring, Kuroo came up behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist. “What’cha looking at?” he drawled, knowing exactly what Kenma was looking at. 

Blushing, Kenma shoved his face. “Nothing!” he retorted.

“It doesn’t look like nothing. Are you missing your husband?” Kuroo taunted, gripping Kenma’s waist tighter. 

“I’m not,” Kenma glared. 

Grinning, Kuroo nipped at Kenma’s ear. Kenma let out a moan before he could stop it. They’d both been so busy with their jobs lately, it had been over a week since they last had sex. But today _was_ a day off … 

“Well, I’ve been missing _my_ husband,” Kuroo murmured into his ear. “I was going to ask him if he wanted to soak in the bath with me. But if he doesn’t want to, then I guess I’ll go by myself.” He said the last sentence in a faux-dejected voice, and Kenma couldn’t resist.

Sighing, he leaned back into Kuroo’s embrace. “Okay,” he relented. “But only if you wash my hair.”

“Do you even need to ask?” Kuroo replied, his grin growing larger. He spun Kenma around, making him laugh. Once they were face to face, Kenma leaned up and placed a soft kiss on Kuroo’s lips. Kuroo immediately pulled him in for more, and Kenma granted him access into his waiting mouth. 

When they broke apart, Kuroo pressed his forehead to Kenma’s. “I love you, kitten.”

“I love you too, Kuro,” Kenma told him, a flush dusting his cheeks as he gazed into his husband’s eyes.

“So, last in the bath has to make dinner?”

“... No,” Kenma replied. But Kuroo was already off running towards the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is now finished! I hope you enjoyed the short ride! I had a lot of fun writing Kuroken, so I might do it again in the future. 
> 
> Fun fact: I'm always self-conscious when I write make-out scenes because I don't really like making out that much. So I try not to make it come off awkward.
> 
> Thank you for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first firc for Haikyuu!!, and I'm having a lot of fun writing it. Kuroken is my Haikyuu!! OTP, so I hope I'm doing them justice.
> 
> Please enjoy!


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